Mr. Peabody
Transcript Mr. Peabody: Our story begins high over New York City... in the luxurious penthouse apartment... of perhaps the most unlikely genius the world has ever known. Oh. Sorry. You caught me doing my yoga. You were expecting downward dog, perhaps? My name is Mr. Peabody. And since we're going to be spending some time together... I'd like to tell you a little bit about myself. You see, ever since I was a pup... it was clear that I was different. I tried to fit in... No, thank you. ...but never could. As I grew, I saw more and more of my littermates... being chosen by their new families. But for some reason, I never was. Come on, boy! Fetch the stick! But why? Won't you just throw it again? It's an exercise in futility. I don't want this one, Mommy. He's sarcastic. Wait, wait! Come back! Throw the stick. I'll stay, I'll heel, I'll even shake hands. Bark, bark? So, without a family of my own... I dedicated myself to the pursuit of knowledge... culture, and athletics. I received my degree at Harvard. Vale-dog-torian, of course. Yay! And then, I devoted myself to helping mankind. I pioneered new techniques in alternative energy. Yay! Resolved geopolitical conflicts around the globe. And in my spare time... I invented the fist bump, planking, tearaway pants... Auto-Tune... the backside Ollie... and Zumba. But what I'm most proud of is my son, Sherman. Sherman: Hi, Mr. Peabody. Oh! Have you told them about the WABAC? I was just getting to that. When I adopted Sherman, I vowed to be the best father I could be. To prepare him for all the wonders of the world, present and past. And so, Sherman inspired the greatest invention of my life... a time machine. Of course, time travel can be a bit unpredictable. There are bound to be a few mishaps along the way. Let's just say, the Leaning Tower of Pisa wasn't always leaning. But there's nothing like learning the lessons of history firsthand. Right, Sherman? Where are we going today, Mr. Peabody? Not "where," Sherman. "When." Whoa! This is the biggest house I've ever seen! It's the Palace of Versailles, home of Marie Antoinette. You know, she was mostly famous for one thing. Marie Antoinette: Cake! I love cake so much. Marie Antoinette sure likes cake, Mr. Peabody. Oh! Indeed she does. Marie was a woman with a prodigious appetite... for all things covered with frosting. But her expensive tastes made her the target of much criticism. Why? Because, Sherman... during Marie's reign, the common people of France were exceedingly poor. You've got any bread? No! I'm exceedingly poor. Now, can we have some cake? Mais, oui. Oh, yeah, sorry. "May we" have some cake? Mais, oui! Maybe she can't hear me through the hair. Sherman, what the queen means is... Ah! Let them eat cake! When the queen heard the poor of Paris could not even buy bread... she said, "Let them eat cake." No! I heard it myself. It's a scandal! It's an outrage! Down with the queen! Down with the monarchy! Wait! What kind of cake? Smashing party, Your Majesty. But now, I'm afraid Sherman and I must be... Sherman? Sherman? Sherman! Sherman? Sherman! Here, Sherman. Hey, Mr. Peabody. What are you doing in here? Trying these other cakes. There's one in here with whipped cream and strawberries that's... pretty fantastic! Sherman... don't you remember why I told you to stay close to me during the French Revolution? Because after the French Revolution... it was gonna rain? Close. I said, "After the French Revolution comes... the Reign of Terror!" Round up the aristocrats. The queen and her aristocratic cronies... must pay the price for their gluttony. We will slaughter them like the dogs they are. Starting with this one! Mr. Peabody! What should I do? Nothing, Sherman. Just stay right there. But, Mr. Peabody! Everything is going to be fine, Sherman. Just stay right there. Off with his head! Mr. Peabody! A cantaloupe? The lowest of the fruits. Who dares to insult me with this melon? Get that dog! Mr. Peabody, how did you escape? It's simple, Sherman. I noticed the distance between the sewer lids... reasoned that there must be one directly under the guillotine platform... noted the loose board under the basket... computed the angle at which the setting sun would bounce off your glasses... momentarily blinding the executioner... and chose that moment to swipe the executioner's melon... giving me the added weight to tip the boards, facilitating my exit. That's amazing! It's not amazing. It was just a matter of keeping my head. "Keeping your head." I don't get it. There he is! After them! Come, Sherman, quick! Oh, this water tastes terrible. Interestingly, that's not water. Ha-ha! I've got you now. Indeed you have, Monsieur Robespierre. And what a master of the chase you are. Oh, you noticed? Of course. Doubling back on me like that. That was genius. Thank you. I just hope you don't take my little confederate, here. I depend on him so completely. Get over here, you. Drats! You're devilishly clever. I know. And much quicker than you as well. But are you quick enough for this? Ha-ha! See? Quick! Quick, yes, but not too smart. Oh! Another cantaloupe! Your sword! All right, Sherman, looks like it's time for a little pop quiz in the art of fencing. Go! Attack! Parry! Thrust! Repeat! No. Remise! Good boy! Oh! Huh? Ha-ha! You missed! I never miss. Hop on! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Yeah! Whoa! Yeah! Do you smell that, Sherman? It wasn't me, Mr. Peabody. I know it wasn't you. It's the methane gas in the sewer system. And given the fact that it ignites at 306 degrees Fahrenheit... we're about to use it... to blast out of here! Hang on! Whoo! Wow! Nice landing, eh, Sherman? Oof! So, what did you learn today, Sherman? That French Revolution was crazy. How so? All those guys getting their heads chopped off... and nobody standing up and saying it wasn't right. And think, Marie Antoinette could have avoided the whole revolution... if she'd simply issued an edict to distribute bread amongst the poor. But then, she couldn't have had her dessert. Why not, Mr. Peabody? Because, Sherman, you can't have your cake and edict, too. I don't get it. Where are we gonna go tomorrow, Mr. Peabody? Ancient Rome? The Wild West? 1492? No, Sherman, tomorrow we won't be going to any of those places. Oh. Why not? Because tomorrow's adventure... is one that you're going to be taking all on your own. What do you mean, Mr. Peabody? Don't you remember? It's your first day of school. Oh. Can I drive? Of course not. Remember, Sherman, "i" before "e", except after "c". I know, Mr. Peabody! And don't forget about the commutative principle. Two plus three equals three plus two. I know, Mr. Peabody! And if you have to go to the bathroom... just raise your hand proudly and say, "I have to go." I will, Mr. Peabody. And remember, the No.2 pencil is standard for most uses... but there are times when a No. 1 comes in handy. I left a little pencil chart in your backpack... which you can consult if it ever becomes a judgment call. I think I'll be okay! Okay, bye, Mr. Peabody. Wait. See you after school. Sherman! I gotta go. I gotta sign up for the clubs. No one is more in favor of participation in fraternal organizations than I. But before you go, I want you to have this. Thanks. What is it? A dog whistle. It doesn't work, Mr. Peabody. It works fine, Sherman. It's just a frequency only dogs can hear. Oh, cool. Let that little keepsake be a reminder to you... that no matter what challenges you face, no matter how far away I might seem... Sherman: Bye, Mr. Peabody! Mr. Peabody: I'm with you. George Washington. Who can tell me who he is? Oh, me! I can! I can't Uh... Sherman. The first president of the United States of America. Good job. And when President Washington was a little boy... what kind of tree did he cut down? Ooh! Ooh, me! Me! Me! Penny? A cherry tree. Apocryphal. What kind of tree is that? It's not a tree. It's a word. "Apocryphal." It means that story is not true. Really? Yeah. George Washington never cut down a cherry tree... and he never said he couldn't lie. People made those stories up to teach kids a lesson about lying... but they're not true. He did cross the Delaware River, Christmas night, 1776, though. My dad took me there this summer. We crossed it, too. I fell in. Looks like someone really knows their history, huh, Penny? It's really great meeting you guys. Maybe you can come over to my house sometime. I could bring my new model. It's a hydrogen atom. You've only got one, huh? Guess we'll have to split it. Good one! Check it, guys. What do you got there, Sherman? Kibbles or bits? Actually, I've got baby carrots, organic apple juice, and a tuna sandwich. It's super-high in omega-3s. So, you eat human food, huh? Yeah. Why wouldn't I? Because you're a dog. No, I'm not. Sure you are. Your dad is a dog, so you're a dog, too. I think you're confused. It's an adoptive relationship. Zip it, Carl. Okay. Penny: Here, I'll show you. Fetch! Go on, doggy. Go get your lunch. Go on. Go get it. Ugh. The humiliation. Sherman, go get your food. Make like a good little doggy. Ruff-ruff! What's this? It's mine! Give it back! What is it? A whistle? Ugh! Stupid thing doesn't even work. It's a dog whistle, Penny. It operates at a frequency that only dogs can hear. Back up, Carl. Okay. Sherman: Penny, that whistle is my private property. Give it back! Penny: Jump, doggy, jump. Sherman: I am not a dog. Penny: Come on, Sherman! Just admit it. You're a dog. Say it. Sherman: Let me go! Penny: Not until you beg like a dog. Come on, Sherman! Beg! Fight, fight, fight! Principal Purdy: Mr. Peabody, thank you for coming in on such short notice to discuss the problem with Sherman. Mr. Peabody: Oh, it's not a problem at all, Principal Purdy. I fully expected this. Principal Purdy: You did? Yes. And, as with all things Sherman-related, I prepared for it. Here's a curriculum that takes Sherman's advanced preparation into account... but won't require you to have him skip one or more grades. Mr. Peabody... Here are some pre-algebra worksheets, an advanced reading list... and a link to a website I created so he can start studying Mandarin Chinese. It is, after all, the language of the future. Mr. Peabody! I'm not saying he shouldn't study French, too, Principal Purdy. I'm saying have him do both. Principal Purdy: Mr. Peabody! Mr. Peabody: What? Not enough? Swahili? Principal Purdy: Sherman got into a fight today. Mr. Peabody: Oh, dear. Principal Purdy: Pictures were taken... for insurance purposes. Edwina Grunion: He bit her. I must say, it doesn't look good for you, Mr. Peabody. After all, you are a dog. Mr. Peabody: Who, may I ask, are you? Edwina Grunion: '''I am Ms. Grunion from the Bureau of Child Safety and Protection. We're required by law to contact them whenever there's an... incident. '''Mr. Peabody: Sherman has never done anything like this before. I'm sure he must have had a reason. Principal Purdy: Well, the girl was being a bit of a bully... Edwina Grunion: '''Quiet, Purdy! It's normal for children to tease. It's not normal for them to bite. Clearly, it's because of how he's being raised. In my opinion, a dog can never be a suitable parent to a little boy. I must point out, Ms. Grunion... that I won the right to adopt Sherman in a court of law. And the court can take it away from you! I'll be coming to your home tomorrow evening to conduct an investigation. If I discover that you are, in any way, an unfit parent... I will see to it Sherman is removed from your custody. Permanently. I hope I've made myself clear. Crystal. I'm sorry I bit her, Mr. Peabody. I won't do it again. You're darn tooting you won't do it again. This kind of wanton violence is totally unacceptable. And rather uncharacteristic, given how you feel about Mr. Gandhi. What on earth provoked it? She called me a dog. Well, all right then. Thank you for telling me. Try and get some sleep. I love you, Mr. Peabody. I have a deep regard for you as well, Sherman. Mr. Peabody... you are a Nobel Prize-winning scientist. An advisor to heads of state. A captain of industry. Why would you want to adopt a boy? Because, Your Honor... when I found Sherman, it reminded me of how I started out in life. And now, I want to give him the one thing I always wanted. A home. And you're sure you're capable of meeting all the challenges... of raising a human boy? With all due respect, how hard could it be? Very well, then. If a boy can adopt a dog... I see no reason why a dog cannot adopt a boy. Da-da! No, Sherman, not "Da-da." You shall call me "Mr. Peabody." Or, in less formal moments, simply "Peabody." That's right. "Mr. Pea-baba." What's cooking, Mr. Peabody? Oh, nothing much. Just a little Dungeness crab with a passion-fruit basil concass. Some truffled quails in a juniper-berry reduction. And Baked Alaska. Wow! Is today some kind of special occasion? You could say. It's not my birthday. No, it isn't. It's not your birthday. Right again. It's not Father's Day. Is it? Nope. It's not Father's Day. Is the president coming to dinner again? No. Oh. So, who's coming to dinner? Let's just say, if the evening is a success... we can put this whole "biting" business behind us. The Petersons! Welcome. So, he's literally a dog. Paul! No, that's all right. Although, I prefer "literate dog." That's funny. Isn't that funny, Paul? He's not a big laugher. We're so delighted you could make it on such short notice. Aren't we, Sherman? Aren't we, Sherman? Yeah, we're interested in what's going on, that's for sure. Say hello to Penny, Sherman. Hi, Penny. Hello, Sherman. Now, why don't you go show Penny your mineral collection, Sherman? I'm sure she'll find those new geodes of yours fascinating. Come on. I am so glad you accepted my invitation. Now, the kids can resolve their differences before Ms. Grunion arrives. You're barking up the wrong tree, mister. In fact... if it weren't for Patty, I would have pressed charges already. And I have to tell you, Peabody... where my daughter is concerned, nothing is more important than... Hello. Sure, I'll take a survey. Everything going swimmingly? Ugh. Why didn't you tell me she was coming over here? Because I didn't want you to worry. Okay, because I didn't want to listen to your bellyaching. Thank you for your honesty. You're welcome. I don't know what you think we're supposed to do in here anyway. She hates me. Share your interests. Tell a witty anecdote. Mr. Peabody... I hate her. Sherman, every great relationship... starts from a place of conflict, and evolves into something richer. Bonne chance. Make it work. But don't tell her about the WABAC. '''Penny: Don't even think about it. Patty: Peabody, that was amazing! Paul, wasn't that amazing? Paul: I'm more into rock-'n'-roll. I meant flamenco. Bagpipes? Uh, didgeridoo. Sitar. Steel drums. Trombone. Xylophone. Djembe? Calliope. Oboe. Piccolo. Tuba. Dobro. Slide whistle. Yodeling. Hurdy-gurdy. Ocarina. Harmonium. Musical saw. You know what? This has been great but a complete waste of time. Now, let's get Penny and go home! Mr. Peabody: Are you all right, Paul? Paul: I'm... fine. Patty: This happens whenever he's tense. Mr. Peabody: Paul, if I might... Paul: Stay away from me, Peabody! Just get back! I need traction. Mr. Peabody: You can trust me, Paul. I'm a licensed chiropractor. Ow! Huh. Ooh... Ah... Peabody... I feel great. I... I really feel great! Peabody, you're a miracle worker. Ha-ha! Look at me! I'm dancing! You know, Penny... Sigmund Freud says if you don't like a person... it's because they remind you of something you don't like about yourself. What do you know about Sigmund Freud? More than you think. Sure. Just like you know all that stuff... about George Washington not really cutting down the cherry tree. Ugh. What a crock. But it's true! How do you know? I just know! Did you read it in a book? No! See it in a movie? No! Did your brainiac dad tell you? No! So, how do you know, Sherman? How do you know? He told me. Who told you? George Washington. George Washington? Yeah. Ugh! Liar. But don't tell her about the WABAC. He calls it the "WABAC." So, where have you gone in it? Not "where," Penny, "when." Okay, smart guy, when? Oh, 1965,1776, 1620... 1492, 1215, 4. Can it go back to an hour ago? Why? Because I could take it home, pretend to be sick... and not come to this lame dinner party. Ha-ha. Mr. Peabody says you should never use the WABAC... to travel to a time when you existed. How come? There would be two of you. Oh, yeah. I guess the world's not ready for that. Wow. Um, well, now that we've seen it, maybe we should go back. Are you kidding? Where should we go first? Mr. Peabody says I'm not allowed to drive it till I'm older. Do you do everything Mr. Peabody says? Yeah. You know what that makes you, Sherman. An obedient son? Penny: Nope. A dog. Ooh! Nice control. Look at him go! Take it, Patty! Heads up, Paul! Whoa! Here you go. Zing! Oh, yeah. Oh! Hey, look at that. This is fun! This is a little homespun concoction I like to call... "Einstein on the Beach." Yummy. To the kids. To the kids! Sherman: Mr. Peabody. Sherman? Can I talk to you a second? Of course. Excuse me. I've really hit it off with Penny's parents. I think we can file this night under "Unqualified Success." Uh, I would hold off filing it just yet. What do you mean? Where's Penny? Uh... Ancient Egypt. You used the WABAC?! What's happening, big guy? We're running low. I'll be right there, Paul. How could you do such a thing? She called me a liar... for saying George Washington never out down a cherry tree. So, you took her to see George Washington? Yeah. She was into it. Hey, Pea-buddy. Hey. Where's Penny? Playing hide-and-seek. Pooping. Pooping. Playing hide and seek. Well, which is it? Uh... Hey, what's going on here? Yeah. What's going on here? What have you done with Penny? Penny? Penny? Penny! Oh, my gosh! Where's our daughter? It's hard to say, Paul. She could be here, or here, or here, or here... or here. That will hold them. I learned that trick from a swami at the Begawan Giri in Ubud, Bali. Let's go! Ancient Egypt. Land of the Pharaohs. A beacon of progress on the horizon of humanity... but a cruel and barbarous civilization just the same. I just hope Penny isn't suffering too badly. I got it. What are you doing here? We have come to take you home. Ugh! What's the Egyptian word for "tattletale"? But that's beside the point. Get your clothes on, we're going home. Who died and made you Pharaoh? Now, bring on the mani-pedi. See, Mr. Peabody? Impossible! Indeed, but watch what happens... when an immovable object meets an irresistible force. Penny... come here, right now. Penny, come! I'm not Penny anymore. Now, I'm Princess Hatsheput, precious flower of the Nile. "Precious," perhaps, but if you think "we're going to leave you here... you are most definitely in de-Nile." I don't get it. Now, come along. Unhand her! What's the matter, my sweet little desert blossom? Are these barbarians bothering you? As a matter of fact, they are. Bow, barbarians. As you wish, Your Highness. Who's that, Mr. Peabody? That, Sherman, is the living image of Amun... son of Akhenaten, lord of the 18th Dynasty of the New Kingdom... King Tutankhamun. Otherwise known as "King Tut." My boyfriend. King Tut is your boyfriend? Mmm-hmm. Would you like me to have them skinned, covered with honey... and laid in a pit of fire ants? You would do that for me? Anything, my desert flower. Consider it a wedding gift. What? You can't marry this guy! Why not? Well, for one, his name rhymes with "butt." Penny: I don't care. I'm gonna have a big, fat, Egyptian wedding. Spoiler alert, King Tut dies young. Are you sure you've thought this through? Oh, trust me, I've thought it through. I'm getting everything. The royal astronomers have decreed... the wedding must take place tomorrow at dawn. Who is he? He is Ay. He is you? I am Ay. The Grand Vizier. Yeah, that's his name. Oh. Oh, Grand Vizier, would you mind telling the precious princess, here... precisely what it means to marry the young Pharaoh. Gladly. It means she will be bound to him in eternity... through the sacred ceremonies of disembowelment and mummification... as described in the holy texts. Um, hold up a second. Can you walk me through that, somebody? What he means, Penny, is that when I die they'll kill you, too. And then they'll rip out your organs, stuff them in canopic jars... and then mummify whatever is left. Okay, I'm seeing this now. Thank you. I'm going to go with them. There's no turning back now. To the palace! Let the wedding preparations begin! Mr. Peabody! Sherman! Do something! Don't worry, Penny! We'll save you! Hey, wait! You can't just... leave us here. Mr. Peabody? Yes, Sherman? Can I hold your hand? Of course you can. Boy, your hand is cold, Mr. Peabody. Sherman? Yeah? That's not my hand. That's disarming. Now, to find a way out of here. Yuck! Look around, Sherman. These tombs are lined with hieroglyphics... designed to assist the pharaohs' souls in their journey to the afterlife. And they may assist us as well. Oh, this depicts the god Anubis sailing the boat of Ra to the underworld. It appears the boats of Ra are the key to our escape. We must find them in time to stop the wedding. Well, if you ask me, we should let her marry that guy. They deserve each other. What's that, Sherman? Tut? Give me a break. Bald, wears a skirt, and makeup. If I didn't know any better, Sherman, I would say you were jealous. Jealous? Of what? Tut's affection for Penny, of course. You think I like Penny? Mmm-hmm. Give me a break! It's not like I want to hold her hand, or go to the park or watch her while she's brushing her hair. Or anything. Mr. Peabody: Hmm. A-ha! Quickly, Sherman. Ah, ah, ah! Careful, Sherman. It's a booby trap. What's so funny Sherman: You said "booby." Mr. Peabody: One wrong step and we're done for. "The boat... of Ra sails straight... to day." "Take the wrong boat... man will pay." All right, Sherman, now it's your turn. Do the puzzle exactly as I did. Sherman: Huh? Mr. Peabody: Think it through, one step at a time. Sherman: The boat of Ra sails straight... play. Uh, I mean, "pay." Mr. Peabody: Oh, my. Sherman: Uh-oh. Mr. Peabody: Run! The boats of Ra! One boat is the way out, the other will send us... plunging into darkness and certain death. What? Sherman, get in the boat. As soon as I move these blocks together, it's going to move very fast. Which boat, Mr. Peabody? What? Which boat is the "not-certain-death-plunge" boat? That one! We did it, Sherman! Sherman? Mr. Peabody! What are you doing over there? I thought you pointed to this one! Ahhh! Sherman? Sherman? Are you all right? Mr. Peabody: I'm good. The sun god, Ra... commands us to begin the sacred ceremony! Bring forth the blade for the blood oath. Where blade meets flesh in this sacred rite... we pay tribute to the sun god, Ra! Mr. Peabody: Wait! Anubis! The god of death! The wedding must not continue. Why, Anubis, why? Mr. Peabody: Plagues. Plagues! If this marriage pact is sealed... I will shower down upon the land uncountable plagues. Oy, again with the plagues! Why did I ever move to Egypt? But, Anubis, the sun god, Ra, has decreed... that this girl is to be the boy-king's wife. That's so funny. I was talking to the sun god, Ra, just the other day... and he told me he changed his mind. Really? Old "Flip-Flop Ra," we call him here in the underworld. But it's too late. We've already paid for the catering. Too bad! You're going to lose your deposit. More smoke, Sherman. This canine subterfuge is working. Deliver the girl... to the gates of the city, and leave her there... where the gods will retrieve her forthwith. Only in this manner may the plagues upon this land be avoided. The girl must go! Ow! Anubis has spoken! Take this girl to the gates! Ow. Anubis, you sound unwell. Well, I have been feeling a little under the weather... but I'm feeling much better now. Thank you. Phew! Huh? Penny, Sherman, quickly. Mr. Peabody: Come on, Penny. Penny: Sherman! Ah! Runaway bride! Stop them, you fools! Ah! Penny, Sherman, climb aboard. Whoo-hoo! They're getting away! Ah! Whoa! I got it. Whoo-hoo! We made it. Where do we go next, Mr. Peabody? Home. We've got to get back to the dinner party... before Penny's parents realize she's missing. We don't have to mention the whole... uh, King Tut wedding thing, right? Certainly not. Anyway, as far as I'm concerned, they get married too young in Ancient Egypt. Or, perhaps, I'm just some old "Giza." Huh? Warning. WABAC power supply insufficient. Charge now. Warning. Uh, what's the matter, Mr. Peabody? All this zipping about the cosmos has drained our power supply. We're going to have to make an unscheduled stop. As luck would have it... we have just enough power to make it to the Renaissance. I can't even tell my left brain from my right anymore! How many times I got to tell you, Mona Lisa? Mona Lisa? I can't paint the picture... until you smile! Leonardo, tell me one thing I have to smile about. The sunshine, the pasta. All the things that make Italy such a popular tourist destination! But I have not seen any of them, Leonardo! Because I'm sitting here all day on my abbondanza! I don't think that means "chair" in Italian. Ah, Peabody, my old friend. What a welcome interruption! Believe you me, this woman is making me nuts. So, how you been? Good to see you. What do you want? We're in a desperate hurry to get home, but the WABAC needs a jump start... and we thought, who better than Leonardo da Vinci to help us on our way? Peabody, I would love to help you, but you come at a very bad time. I don't know what I'm going to do with this crazy woman. You see what I mean? What seems to be the problem? "What is the problem?" I am halfway done with the painting, she won't even smile. Fine. I smile. No! That's a fake smile! Everybody knows that! Why don't you make it a real smile? Why don't you say something funny? I paint the paintings. I make the machines. I don't tell the jokes! Perhaps, I can be of assistance. You see... humor is not immune to the laws of science. Using algorithms, we can extrapolate what is universally considered "funny"... thus producing a formula that is scientifically certain to cause laughter. Case in point, the pratfall. Is everyone amused? Hmm. The data was so clear. Ooh! Don't worry, Mr. Peabody. I got it! Sherman... Ahh! Oh! Hold that smile! Hold it right there! No move! No move! Well, Leo, if my calculations are correct... this machine of ours should generate enough centrifugal force... to send us home. I got one last piece I gotta pound in place. Sherman, why don't you fetch the hammer for Mr. Da Vinci? Okay, Mr. Peabody. Mr. Peabody! Well done, Sherman. But, Mr. Peabody! Very helpful. Sherman! Yes, Mr. Peabody? The hammer. Da Vinci. Oh. Okay, Mr. Peabody. Oh! Here you go, Mr. Da Vinci. Ahh! Do you need any help? No, no. That's quite all right. Thank you. Psst! Sherman. Huh? Let's go. Let's go explore. Uh, well, I'm supposed to be having father-son time with Mr. Peabody. Wouldn't you rather have fun with me? Uh... Okay. Sherman... where are you going? Exploring. But we need your help. No, we don't! I mean, we can manage. Somehow. He's a boy, Peabody. Let him have his fun. Let him go. Thanks, Mr. Peabody! He's growing up, Peabody. Like a baby bird leaving the nest. Isn't it wonderful? It's like a museum. It's like a toy store. Wow. Check this out. It's the world's biggest model airplane. It's not a model, Penny. It's a prototype. And we should probably just leave that alone. Okay. But wouldn't it be cool if we could fly it? I don't think Mr. Peabody would like that. Well, Mr. Peabody isn't here. Just tell me how it works. Please? For learning. Oh. Okay. The thrust comes from this kind of crossbow doohickey here. Then it shoots along the track until the wind catches the wings. But how does it go? Huh? How do you take off? Oh, you just pull down that lever. This one? Oh, boy. Ah! Wow! Whoo-hoo! This is crazy! No, it's not Sherman. It's fun! We're gonna die! Oh, stop being such a party pooper and enjoy it! Ah... Nothing is as beautiful as an elegant equation... translated into perfect engineering. Why can't children be so simple? Because children are not machines, Peabody. Believe me, I tried to build one. Oh! It was creepy. Here, Sherman! You fly it! But I don't want to fly! Sure you do. It'll be fun! No, seriously, Penny, I don't want to! I'm letting go. One... Don't let go! Two... No! Three! Penny, fly the plane! No, Sherman! You're going to have to save us! But I can't do it! I'm serious, Penny. I don't know how to fly! You can do it! I know you can! Come on, Sherman. Fly! Ah! Phew! See? You got this, Sherman. You're right. I have got this. Whoo-hoo-hoo! Da Vinci's at it again! You ever see that child he made? So creepy. Papa. Mama. Papa. Mama. All done up here, Leonardo. And I am all done down here. It is beautiful, isn't it? Every piece in its place doing precisely what it's supposed to do. Look, Peabody! It's my flying Mach... MY flying machine? Sherman. Sherman? Sherman, what are you doing up there? I'm flying! But, Sherman, you don't know how to fly! I don't? No! Turn! Turn, Sherman! Lean! Oh, no! Sherman? Sherman! Are you okay? That was pretty fantastic! Oh! I can't believe it! My flying machine! It's work! Sherman! You are the first flying man! Oh, you should be very proud, Peabody. Very, very proud! "Proud" doesn't begin to describe it. Leonardo, will you please fire up the mechanism? Papa. Mama. Mona! Papa. Mama. The kid! I'm sorry I broke the plane, Mr. Peabody. Well, you should be. You could have been killed. What are you talking about? Sherman flew a plane. He was amazing! Sherman destroyed a priceless historical artifact. Whatever. You should be happy. It turns out Sherman is not a complete and total loser, after all. Yeah, Mr. Peabody. It turns out I'm not a complete and total loser, after all. Ms. Peterson... stop turning my son into a hooligan. It's not my fault he's a hooligan. Yeah, it's not her fault I'm a hooligan. Well, it's certainly not my fault! I've spent the last seven years teaching Sherman good judgment. If you're such a great parent... why is Ms. Grunion trying to take Sherman away from you? Is that true? Is someone gonna take me away from you? No, Sherman, I'll never let that happen. You just need to trust me. Oh, dear, a black hole! What's happening? If I can't pull us out of here... we're going to be smashed to smithereens on the event horizon. There's not enough power to resist the gravitational pull! I've got to divert everything to the reverse thrusters. Why didn't you tell me? Tell you what? Why didn't you tell me Ms. Grunion was trying to take me away from you? It's not your job to worry about these things. You just didn't think I could handle it. We'll discuss it later. Now, sit down. I don't want to discuss it later! Sherman, sit! You can't talk to me like that. I'm not a dog. What did you say? I said, I'm not a dog! You're right, Sherman, you're not. You're just a very bad boy! T-minus 10... Nine, eight... Seven... Six... Five... Four, three... Two... One. Sherman? Penny? Sherman, are you okay? Sherman? He's gone. Where are we, anyway? Oh, no. We're on the brink of one of history's most ferocious conflicts... Delivery. How are we doing, heroes of Greece? Feeling good? Feeling strong? Okay, let's get warmed up! We don't want to pull something out there. Remember what happened to Achilles. That whole thing with his heel. Looking good, Diomedes. Menelaus, my man! My man. Are you ready to get on the field, Shermanus? Sure thing, Mr. Agamemnon. That's cute. Shh. Agamemnon: Odysseus, what news do you bring? Odysseus: Someone left this for us. Agamemnon: A present. Nice! It looks just like our horse. Odysseus: Should I bring it inside? Agamemnon: It would be rude not to. Agamemnon: I did not see that coming! Penny: Jeez Louise, what is that smell? Oh! Ooh. That is the smell of victory. Yeah! Victory! Mr. Peabody: Greetings, men of Athens, Sparta and Thebes. Peabody, here. I've come for Sherman. Do you know this guy? I thought I did... but now I'm not so sure. Then he must be a spy. Kill him! No! No! He's my dad. Your dad? Huh? It's an adoptive relationship. Aw! Thank you for taking such good care of my son, Agamemnon... but it's time for him to come home. Sorry, Mr. Peabody, I've joined the Greek army. Shermanus is one of us now. He's a brother. I'm his brother. He's my son. He took an oath. I took an oath. He's seven! And a half! All sons must prove themselves to their fathers. Today... Shermanus will prove himself on the field of battle. But he's only a child. Your dad may not think you're ready to become a man, Shermanus... but we do. Yeah! Yeah, Mr. Peabody. Now, I'll show you what I can handle. FYI, a lot of heroes have father issues. My old man is a minotaur. Half man, half bull, all judgment. Ajax, here, strongest guy in the world... but his father never accepted that his real dream was to sing. I wanted to be in the Greek chorus. Uh, yeah, and don't even get me started about Oedipus. Let's just say that you do not want to be at his house over the holidays. It's awkward. Sherman, I'm concerned you haven't thought this through. This is war. Do you realize what's about to happen? I'll tell you what's gonna happen. We're gonna destroy their houses! Pull down their temples! And make the streets of the city run red... with Trojan blood! Yeah! Blood! Blood! Blood! Zeus on three! One! Sherman, I absolutely forbid you to fight in the Trojan War. It's not fair! All my friends are fighting in the Trojan War. Two! Sherman, it's dangerous. I'm wearing a helmet. Three! You're not going! Oh, yes, I am. Zeus! Zeus! Zeus! Eat my bronze, you Trojan dogs! Eat my bronze, you Trojan dog! Ahh! Well, that's cutting it close. This is why I ask you to obey me, Sherman. Because I'm your father, and it's my job to keep you safe. But are you sure Ms. Grunion won't take me away? Not as long as I'm around. Mr. Peabody! Help me! Penny! Smell my victory! Smell it! Hey! That's my ride! Mr. Peabody... hurry! I'll take that. Penny: You did it, Sherman! Sherman: Mr. Peabody helped. Mr. Peabody: Now, let's get to the WABAC, go home, un-hypnotize Penny's parents finish that dinner party, eat my Baked Alaska charm the pants off Ms. Grunion and make sure none of this ever happens in the first place. Sherman: Sounds good. Penny: I'm in. Ah! Sherman! Sherman: Penny! Mr. Peabody: Sherman, no! Whoa! Mr. Peabody... Mr. Peabody? Mr. Peabody! Mr. Peabody! Dad! Oh, Mr. Peabody! What should I do? What should I do? There's nothing you can do, Sherman. I just want to go home. Home. That's it. I got an idea. Come on! Where are we gonna go? We're going home. There's only one person who can help us... and that's Mr. Peabody. What are you talking about? How is that even possible? We've got a time machine, Penny! I can set it so that we'll get home when Mr. Peabody is still there. But I thought you're not supposed to go back to a time when you existed. What choice do we have? Error. You are attempting to travel to an era in which you exist. This could alter the fabric of space-time. Error. Error. Hang on! This is fun! This is a little homespun concoction I like to call... "Einstein on the Beach." Yummy. To the kids. To the kids! Mr. Peabody. Sherman? Penny? Can we talk to you a second? Of course. Excuse me. I've really hit it off with your parents. I think we can file this night under "Unqualified Success." I'd hold off filing it just yet. What do you mean? Why are you two dressed like ancient... Greeks? You used the WABAC?! I did. I know, it's terrible! But why? Penny and I got into an argument about George Washington. So, I made him show me the WABAC. And I lost her in ancient Egypt. And I got engaged to King Tut. So, I came back and got you. Then we ran out of gas. In Florence. Went into a black hole. And then you died in ancient Troy. Died? I have a hard time believing that. It's true! But now you're here, and everything's gonna be okay. I told you never to come back to a time when you existed... Because there would be two of you! Yeah, but the other one of me is in ancient Egypt. Ahh! Who are you? He's you, but from another timeline. But I thought you said never to come back to a time when you existed. Exactly! I know. But what was I supposed to do? Mr. Peabody died in ancient Troy. Died? I have a hard time believing that. Thank you. What are we going to do? Well, for starters, both Shermans can't stay here. Why? We could get bunk beds. I was thinking the same thing. That's so weird. It's like we're twins! I was thinking that, too! Ow! You see? We can't have two Shermans in the same timeline. It puts too much strain on the space-time continuum. What to do? The Petersons can't know any of this. Hey, Pea-buddy. Hey. How's it going? Patty and I are working up an appetite. Mmm. The smells coming from your kitchen are yummy! Especially that Baked Alaska. So, what's going on here? Yeah, what's with the getups? Toga party! Toga party? Yes, it is a toga party! Well, what about dinner? I'm starving. Why don't we head into the dining room... and tuck into those quails you've been yakking about? No! Why not? Because it's so fun right here! Whoo-hoo! Ms. Grunion! How delightful. We were having such a good time... I almost forgot you were coming. Oh! Well, why don't you join the party? I'm not here for a party. I'm here for the investigation. Good. Why don't you start investigating over here? Or here, or here, or here... Edwina Grunion: Stop waving your hands around! Sherman? Wait! Is that...? Sherman! Paul: Dos Shermanos? What's going on here, Peabody? Mr. Peabody #1: Nobody move! Sherman, I've got to get you out of here before you touch yourself. Sherman: Mr. Peabody! You didn't die! Of course I didn't die. Thank you. Hey. How did you get back? , after a few failed experiments... I hit upon a combination of bones, stone and yak fat... and constructed a rudimentary WABAC. You know what they say... "If at first you don't succeed, Troy, Troy again." This is no time for puns! Even good ones. Penny, Sherman, quickly! You're not going anywhere. I've seen quite enough to remove the boy... both boys, from this home. Penny: No, don't, Ms. Grunion, please! This is all my fault. I started it. I'm so sorry, Sherman. Edwina Grunion: You have nothing to apologize for, Penny. A dog should never have been allowed to adopt a boy in the first place. Now, come along! Mr. Peabody #2: Ms. Grunion, be careful! Mr. Peabody #1: Ms. Grunion, No! Penny: What's happening? Both Shermans: Mr. Peabody, help! Both Mr. Peabodys: Sherman! Paul: Hey! Where did the other two go? Our cosmic doubles combined in order to reconcile a paradox... in the space-time continuum. Okay, that makes sense. I don't know what just happened here... but I know it was wrong! This boy is coming with me! Mr. Peabody! No, Ms. Grunion! Ow! Let me go! Get back here! Ow! Ow! You're hurting me! Oh! Oh! He bit me! He bit me! Yes, hello, police. I'd like to report an assault. A bite. Mr. Peabody, what are we gonna do? Get here as soon as possible. Mr. Peabody: Run! He's kidnapping the children! Oh! I can't believe you bit her, Mr. Peabody! I know, Sherman, it was wrong. "Wrong"? It was awesome! And now, to return to our proper timeline and erase this mess. There he is! He's got my daughter in that giant space apple! My face is numb. Whoo-hoo! Yes! What's wrong? Time travel failed. Oh, dear. What is it, Mr. Peabody? Our cosmic doubles colliding... ripped a hole in the space-time continuum. That's why we didn't get to the past. Hey, Peabody! Sherman: Looks like the past is coming to us. Oof! I will get you, dog! And your little boy, too! King Tut: Penny! My bride! Sherman: What? Oh, dear. Follow that orb! Agamemnon: Incoming! What sort of creature are you? Edwina Grunion: The name is Grunion! Agamemnon: I'm in love! I just need to find a wormhole. Hey, Einstein, it's a red light. Einstein: Hey, I'm walking, here! Cake! Mmm! There they go. Don't lose them. Mr. Peabody: I'm trying to find another wormhole but they all lead back to the present! Time travel failed. Time travel failed. Whoo! There he is. After them! King Tut: Penny, my queen, I know you're in there. Agamemnon: We're coming, Shermanus! Time travel failed. Mr. Peabody! Look out! Whoa! Shermanus, hold on. We shall release you from this egg. Cop: Drop the saber and step away from the futuristic orb. I take orders from no man! Agamemnon: Don't tase me, Bro. Cop: Come out, Peabody, with your paws in the air. Mr. Peabody, you're under arrest for kidnapping, reckless endangerment... And a multiplicity of major traffic violations. You don't understand. There's a rip in the space-time continuum! If you arrest me, I won't be able to fix... Blah, blah, blah. For too long... you've bamboozled the world with your fancy jargon... and that little red tie of yours... and look what's come of it. Take him away! Wait. Mr. Peabody! Sherman! What's gonna happen to Mr. Peabody? Don't you know what happens to dogs that bite? Let me go. You don't know what you're doing. Please, before it's too late. Wait! Give him another chance. He's through with chances. Now, he has to pay for his mistakes. Sherman: But I'm the one who made all the mistakes. I'm the one who used the WABAC without permission. The only mistake Mr. Peabody ever made... was me. Sherman. You're absolutely right, Sherman. What kind of a father could this dog ever be to a boy? Maybe you're right, Ms. Grunion. But there's one thing you haven't considered. What's that? I'm a dog, too! If being a dog means you're like Mr. Peabody... who never turns his back on you... and who's always there to pick you up when you fall... and loves you no matter how many times you mess up... if that's what it means to be a dog... then, yeah, I'm a dog, too! I'm a dog, too. I'm a dog, too. I'm a dog, too! I'm a dog as well! A poodle dog! I am a dog, too. Ditto on that dog thing! I'm a dog, too. I am a dog as well. I'm a dog, too. I'm a dog, too. I'm a dog, too. Spartacus: I'm Spartacus! All right, fine, you're all dogs, but you can't change the law. Penny: I know someone who can. George Washington. George Washington: We hold these truths to be self-evident... that all men, and some dogs, are created equal. I hereby award Mr. Peabody a presidential pardon. Me, too. I've done worse. Huh? Uh, Mr. Peabody, look! Ahh! Ooh! It's getting closer! What are we going to do? This is the greatest collection of geniuses ever assembled! Surely we can come up with another way of getting to the past. I can build a catapult. We go very fast. But, remember, as you approach the speed of light... gravity will get too strong. Oh, indeed. "For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." How about we just punch that big hole in the face?! I have an idea. Hey, everybody, I have an idea! Yes, what is it, Sherman? Why not go to the future? The future? I've never been there before, so it's probably not as messed up. Sherman, that's it! Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Not usually. It's exactly what you all just said... except the total opposite! If we set the WABAC for the future, and go very, very fast... we'll create our own gravitational field... that's equal and opposite... to the rip in the space-time continuum! Oh, my... I don't get it. We're gonna fly up there and punch that big hole in the face! Yes! Sherman, you're a genius. But, Peabody... how far into the future must you go? Just a few seconds ought to do it, and then we'll slingshot right back. Are you sure this is going to work? Don't worry, Penny. Just remember, I'm a... genius! Sherman... I need to reprogram the WABAC. All right, Mr. Peabody. That means you have to drive. In order to make the leap into the future... the WABAC will have to go very fast. Faster than it's ever gone before! Are you ready, Sherman? I'm ready. Come on, Sherman, you can do it. Now, Mr. Peabody? Sherman, we need more speed. Now? Just a little more! Not yet, Sherman. Not yet. Now! Whoa! Whoa! Farewell! Ooh! You haven't seen the last of me, Peabody. You'll make a mistake eventually, and when you do... I'll be there! The Grunion is mine! Ooh! Penny: Come on, Sherman. Come on! Whoo-hoo! Yeah! If you want to watch television before I get home... simply press "input" three times... and then use the remote control as usual. Yes, Sherman. And if you're worried about making friends at the PTA meeting... consider bringing snacks for everyone. Bagels are always appreciated. Yes, Sherman. And remember, Mr. Peabody... I have robotics club after school today. Sherman, wait. Yes, Mr. Peabody? I... I love you, Sherman. Sherman: I have a deep regard for you as well, Mr. Peabody. Penny: Hey, Mr. Peabody! Hey, Sherman! Sherman: Wait up! Mr. Peabody: No doubt about it. Every dog should have a boy. Oh! Ooh! Ah! A-ha! I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the Grunion. Edwina Grunion: Come here, soldier. THE END! Category:Transcripts Category:DreamWorks Animation Transcripts Category:20th Century Fox Transcripts